This week has been a very transformative one for me and so I thought I should document it into words.
First off, it didn’t start strong but I did see Craigslist Joe and Terms and Conditions May Apply which were both very eye-opening. Craigslist Joe reopened the concept of unity. A man was interested in how technology has transformed our lives and set forth to eat and sleep solely based on what he could receive on craigslist. The openness of some people was very hopeful. You got to hear some very heartfelt stories and realize how connected we all could become if only we were open to it. We’ll feed each other and give each other shelter if necessary. In the end he did lose some weight but ended up with a tear-provoking story that changed his life forever. It was definitely worth watching. Terms and Conditions May Apply also is worth watching at least once, it made me aware of the lack of privacy we all have because of sites like facebook and google. In a way it is useful that cookies can tell the sorts of things you are into so they can advertise things you would be interested in, but it is also frightening as the things we agree to are not likely to be transparent and can now be used by a third party.
Tuesday was certainly my most active day outside as well as emotionally. I went to Adrenaline, which I always considered as my second home (or third depending on how you rank Victoria and Vancouver) I went their to cement some tattoo conceptions. As I should have expected they were shot down without second thought. Vague conceptualizations tend to do that, if it’s not feasible or practical it tends not to be taken seriously, and because I outright said I’m only here to ask questions and not to get anything (because to this day I am still do not have the monetary means to get the tattoos I want), perhaps that’s why my questions were taken seriously. It hurt that my original plans were shot down because I did care about them, but eventually I redesigned them into better conceptualizations and anticipate trying again. I do wonder if the artist remembered that he was the one who did my left foot.
After Adrenaline, a place that somehow lost it’s homey feel to it, I walked up from Kits to South Granville. On the long walk I ran into someone new. Quite a simple exchange that resulted in a number exchange. He was nice and even if nothing results from it held it’s own transformative significance. Up until a few years ago I was getting over a huge heartbreak that I tried to get over (partially) by going to a whole new community and leaving it all behind. Since then there have been guys that I thought were nice and worthy of admiring but never to the degree of that last guy. I listened to a song that reminded me of him and although in the past I couldn’t listen to it without crying uncontrollably, I found I could now listen to it without breaking down. Perhaps this was the most transformative lesson. I couldn’t see anything past him, I thought I found the one, we’d get married and have kids and that was it. But now that there is an “after him”…well I’m not sure. I survived is all I can say. And because the guy I ran into I realized not only that there was an “after him” but also that the universe had my back. For so long I believed that I may as well change my name to “Unrequited” because as far as I could tell that is all I would be, no guy has ever reciprocated my feelings and I felt quite unloved in that regard. But of course I was blind. Certainly I didn’t notice or count guys that do like me but not the extremity that I would take it (I got a tattoo because of a guy for instance). Guys do exist that like me but I have to be open to the idea, and it definitely helps that they like me, because that tends to make me like them. Although I would encourage guys who approach me to do it carefully, I liken myself to rabbits in that if you are too aggressive I will shut down, run away or fake number you if you get that far. The universe has my back and is responsive. Although I may have just learned what love means in a different way.
Wednesday I learned I am too old to volunteer at Kerrisdale Community Centre, which is fine I suppose. Strangely every August is when I get into a super serious job hunting mode, which of course isn’t successful because it is so late in the summer. More so, I’m never sure where to get a job, I can only settle for the community that I am in at the time. Which speaking of, I only have five courses left before graduating which is another telltale sign that I am in fact an adult. How I got to the point that I will fully admit that I am and adult I’ll never know but I am at this point now.