Everything is Going to be Alright…I hope

“Everything is Alright” is the most common phrase I say to my lovely rabbit Link. He’s often distressed because his surroundings are often distressing. There’s always a dog around and I know he’s been around the ringer a few times with Charlie that he isn’t too worried about him. It’s the new dog that is a bigger threat. She isn’t well socialized, particularly with rabbits. Everything is a game. While she is jumping around playing Link is actually scared for his life.
I’m not sure telling Link that everything is going to be alright helps him in anyway. Not just because he’s a rabbit and he doesn’t understand English etc, but more so does this phrase actually help at all? Particularly if not especially because I don’t know if the phrase is true.
Perhaps it’s true in the first instance that parenting is all about winging it. You can read a few books, surround yourself with the necessary things that make you a parent but maybe the quintessential thing you have to be okay with is lying. I don’t know if things are going to be okay, I don’t know if things will ever be alright or even what that means, but I feel the need to reassure beautiful Link that things will get better and start to be alright again. Will things be alright again? I don’t know that…but don’t tell Link.
lnl,
cc

Everything is Going to be Alright…I hope

A Time of Transition

It’s crazy to think about what has happened and how I see it. How you see things changes everything.
Recently I had an interaction with someone who was there to entertain the children. He asked where the washroom was. Naturally I think of myself as a helper, but in that instance I was in too deep, thinking about so many things that I told him that the washroom was in there but I wasn’t sure it was open. Immediately I realized that if I was in a situation that I was in complete control of and I felt confident in what I was doing things would be very different.
Not sure how deep I want to get into this but I am actively not helping people because I don’t feel I am in a position to help. Maybe one day I will be again.
I can define this as a time of transition. I wasn’t fully committed to it but I am beginning to be. I spend my time volunteering at an afterschool group helping others and offering whatever assistance I can. I use my past experience and try to help the children and staff in whatever way they require. Slowly I’m beginning to interpret this volunteer position as the job I had last year. Only it’s scarier:
“If you aren’t scared you aren’t learning.” I tweeted once, when I realized what I signed up for. I’m been around toddlers and younger aged children, it’s rare for me to be around 8-12 which is the next stage I must learn to be around. I aspire to work with grades 8-12 but I will get there eventually. I am making my way there. Sometimes I forget this and result in feeling frustrated and discouraged. Gotta keep my eye on the prize, and for the time being enjoying the small moments with those I am with.
lnl,
cc

A Time of Transition

A Lesson in Perspective

         Link, honey you’re such a good bun and I’m so sorry if today distressed you in anyway. But it was worthy of a writeup anyway.
  Today I took Link outside to his outside cage because it had been so long and he needed the exercise. He had a nice run around. Things were alright until Brooklyn, my brother’s new dog, came out to play.
She was innocently playing around with Link, perhaps pretending that he was another dog friend to jump around with. I told Link that he she ever laid a paw on him I’d pummel her (and I would). They both seemed to hop around. (Rest assured they were separated by a cage) But it became apparent that Link was more fearful than playful so I immediately rushed over to him. Trying to get Brooklyn out of the way. I no longer cared for her playful nature and I knew she had crossed the line. It isn’t difficult for anyone to cross the line, that line is Link’s approval and he was out of breathe.
I no longer cared for Brooklyn’s antics. I spent the next half hour trying to calm Link down. I told him stuff like how tough he was tangling with a dog that size and other positive affirmations. He’s such a tough bun. Somewhere along the way I realized I was telling him the things that people would say to me when they were trying to calm me down and encourage me. I realized how pointless it was to say these things when these things didn’t do much to make things better although it was  nice to hear nonetheless.
Another point I wanted to make was how although it seems like things are over, they aren’t. Something happened Monday that (so I suppose yesterday) made me feel like things were fatalistically over. and I soon got a response that things weren’t as bad as I thought. So another lesson in “things aren’t as bad as they seem” In addition to my lesson in perspective positive-talk.
lnl,
cc

A Lesson in Perspective

Not Meant to Be

I was thinking recently about the things I wished for and things I intended to do. What if it wasn’t meant to be?
We can set out minds to do anything but what if we weren’t meant to do that or be that way?
It’s a nice thought doing the Grouse Grind or running a marathon, or even going to Japan. But what if it was never meant to be?
lnl,
cc

Not Meant to Be

SuG – Agaku English lyrics (rough)

It is derived from 3-6-5-0days next phase
The face of the innocent era to look back on

I grabbed a reasonless mobile hand

pieces of dream with lots of scream
265
No basis pride eyes before white out
The signpost is an impulse
Hey Step Step Step Step
<<If it collapses anyway Moral challenge desire
If anything collapses Previous greedy desire challenge
Counter attend/Request>>

The story that fascinated soul fascinated

Is it a comedy or a tragedy?

Because I am more greedy than myself

It is only a dream that will not come true yet

We

It was full of scratches that were tightrope

And also in the future

It’s just a false rage or a mistake

Just scratch to make it the truth

There is no scary one either

I want to say such a dialogue

I want to get away now

But I can not betray everyone

Correct answer is not easy air

Struggle to abandon Spirit Threat not enough Energy

The value of the backwater team

Hey PLAY PLAY PLAY PLAY

Ideal pathological expression desire if it will come true

The stage that kept wandering without sex

Glory or is it real?

The value of the sacrifice we paid

I did not have time to think about that

We are

I had to keep swimming and I could not take my breath

I can not choose what to throw away

Foolish and clunky

I will just leave a nail that will never disappear

We

It was full of scratches that were tightrope

And also in the future

Even if the goddess abandoned me

I will make a point of grinding and make you fall in love again
Whether it is a tightrope or a bruise

I will not live tomorrow alive unchanged

It’s just a false rage or a mistake

Just scratch to make it the truth

SuG – Agaku English lyrics (rough)

Sad Times & the Body Modification Lifestyle

I’ve been feeling like writing for a few days now. But first I must dance around the idea of what I want to write about. At first I wanted to write my long awaited “The Time I was a Youtuber” but I am not feeling that so much, especially when noting the past two blogs were called: Summertime Sadness and Forced Optimism.
To be forthright I have been hurting. I sometimes wonder if I should create two of every account to rectify how public and how private I really want to be. There are so many tweets or posts I’ve wanted to say but haven’t on account of “public persona”. I want to convey hope and promise even when I feel anything but.
There’s a lot of truth I want to put out there but there’s a lot of it I don’t want to address at all. The threshold between two sides is where I remain; in the middle of nowhere, feeling nothing. Trying to make sense of things and doing what I can to better things in whatever and however way I see fit. Such as purchasing things some may not think we need or retracing steps I’ve taken before.
It is through actions such as this that I can announce a reappearance of my labret. I’m not even sure people knew I had it done or if I even took it out but I did. In January I took my labret out and two days ago I got it repierced. And finally my piercing seniority checked out and I got a discount on my labret. I got it tapered (stretched) instead of just newly pierced because I had it done before. I used a gift card to pay for it all and that’s as far as seniority benefits go, maybe dating an artist would improve things?
Would full disclosure improve things? Would everyone like it better if I said outright the piercings or tattoos I have my eye on and the body modification I would likely never do? After all, body modification is a lifestyle: I may take a piercing out or get a tattoo coverup but I’ll always be a part of  the body modification culture.
lnl,
cc

Sad Times & the Body Modification Lifestyle

Forced Optimism

I was considering writing about everything that was wrong with Riverdale because that show is honestly a trainwreck of a show that is better viewed as a show in it’s own rite (like seriously Veronica Lodge is the most inaccurate character ever made from comic to show) But there are a million and one reasons why things could be wrong or bad. It’s best to focus on the good.
I am continually forcing myself to be a bit optimistic because it is so easy for me to be pessimistic.  I can certainly name a million things wrong with life right now. Perhaps it’s better to see the good so I don’t fall into another depressive stupor. It’s the small things that keep you going: a good meal, a simple task, a nice interaction. These things are the the things that make life worth living and turn threads into strong ropes that help us get through the tough times.
Focus on the good part of life, even if you aren’t naturally an optimist. Cry if you need to, laugh if you need to and always remember you aren’t alone.
lnl,
cc

Forced Optimism